10 Ways to Freak Out a Ninja: Neji
by Shikamaru's Shadows
Summary: No! My hair! My beautiful, wonderful, silky hair! NOOOOOO!


**Ten Ways to Freak Out a Ninja: Neji Hyuuga. **

**Aki: And its about time we posted another one!**

**Kiyo: I just posted this on DeviantART and Aki-neechan was kind enough to post it here for me!**

**Aki: So we hope you enjoy this, and this is dedicated to our wonderful fans from the last two!**

**Aki and Kiyo: Here we go! Disclaimer: We don't own Naruto or Three Days Grace songs!**

* * *

1. Cut his hair. Fangirls: NOOOOOOOOOO!

E.G.

Kiyo: -cuts hair-

Neji: -eyes wide- You didn't just cut my most holy of hair!

Kiyo: -sweatdrop-  
Neji: -Byakugan- DIE!

Kiyo: -runs for life- HEEEEEEELP!

Aki: I'll help you Kiyo! -Spies her husband. Shirtless.- Or not...

Kiyo: NO! You cheated and used a Genjutsu on her! HELP!

2. Deny him chocolate.

E.G.

Kiyo: -sweetly- Oh Neji-kun!

Neji: … -translation- What?

Kiyo: -holds out a bar of chocolate- Want some chocolate?

Neji: ……-translation- YEEEEEEES!

Kiyo: -waves chocolate- You sure?

Neji: ……… -translation- YES! FOR THE LOVE OF KAMI GIVE ME THAT DAMN CHOCOLATE!

Kiyo: So…is that a yes, or a no?

Neji: ………-translation- FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS CHOCOLATE, PLEASE!

Kiyo: -shrugs- Well, if you don't want it…-eats chocolate-

Neji: NOOOOOOOOOO! -cries-

Kiyo: O-O

3. Make him look at Gai-sensei with the Byakugan. -shudders-

E.G.

Neji: -is hiding behind a bush with Byakugan activated, spying on Tenten.-

Kiyo: -accidentally (yeah, right) knocks into him and diverts his gaze the other direction- Oops.

Neji: -is staring at Gai-sensei- AH! MY EYES! SOMEBODY GOUGE THEM OUT! AHHHH! THEY'RE BLEEDING!

Kiyo: I am so evil. -grins-

Neji: -curled into the fetal position- Help me. -mentally scarred.-

Kiyo: -victory sign- Yay! I scarred Neji for life!

4. Follow him around for three days singing Three Days Grace songs.

E.G.

Aki: -at top of lungs- If you feel, so empty, so used up, so let down. If you feel, so angry, so ripped off, so stepped on. You're not the, only one, refusing to bow down! You're not the, only one, so get up! Let's start a riot!

Neji: I'd rather not. Shut up.

Kiyo: Even if I say! It'll be alright…still I hear you say! You want to end your life. Now and again we try, to just stay alive! Maybe we can turn this around cuz it's not too late! It's never too late…

Neji: -glares at me- Sometimes, it is.

Kiyo: -gulps- Sorry.

Neji: Forgiven. -begins walking around town-

Aki: SO WHAT IF YOU CAN SEE! THE DARKER SIDE OF ME! NO ONE CAN EVER CHANGE THIS ANIMAL I HAVE BECOME!

Neji: -eye twitch- Shut up, or I'll put you in a cage.

Kiyo: I! HATE! EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! WHY, DO I LOVE YOU?

Neji: -twitch- I HATE YOU DAMNIT!

Kiyo: I swear, I never meant to let it die! I just don't wanna hear it anymore! It's not fair when you say that I didn't try! I just don't care about you anymore!

Neji: -roars and attacks me with kunai- DIE! -is arrested by ANBU-

**-two hours later-**

Kiyo: Hiya Neji! -visiting at his cell-

Neji: -ignores me-

Kiyo: Ah, well. -sits down in chair-

Aki: -sits next to me-

Neji: -panics- G-go away!

Kiyo: -shrugs- Can't, we're your guard.

Aki: -whips out CD player and plays Three Days Grace-

Neji: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

5. Switch all his Hyuuga robes with a man-skirt…..I mean kilt.

E.G

Neji: -bursts through front doors- I'LL KILL YOU SARUZAKI! -is wearing kilt-

Kiyo: -runs away screaming- But but but but…..

Hiashi: Neji! I knew you would join the rest of the family in wearing man skirts! Come, let us drink heavily and dance the Cancan!

Kiyo: -scarred for life- I'll take you up on that alcohol offer!

Aki: -slaps hand- No Kiyo, no alcohol. Remember what I told you.

Kiyo: Damn.

6. Put flowers in his hair.

E.G.

Kiyo: -dancing happily around in hyper circles-

Neji: -is asleep-

Lai: -puts a crown of flowers in his hair- Yayz!

Neji: -wakes up- What the…

Kiyo: -giggles-

Lai: -giggles louder-

Neji: I'll kill you two. -chases us-

Kiyo n' Lai: -runs for our pitiful lives-

7. Ask him what he'd do for a Klondike Bar. Repeatedly.

E.G.

Kiyo: What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

Neji: -sharpening kunai- Go. Away.

Lai: What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

Neji: -calmly- It is my destiny to kill you.

Aki: What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

Neji: -eye twitch- I hate you.

All three: What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

Neji: -chases us- DIE!

8. Make him read Lee/Neji fan fiction. Rated NC-17.

E.G.

Neji: -seated in front of computer-

Kiyo: -standing behind him- Okay, go to favorites…now double click that…no don't mind that it's unimportant…now read that the whole way through and you will learn how to get rid of your blind spot.

Neji: -raises eyebrow- 'Revelations, a Naruto fanfic'? Are you sure about this?

Kiyo: -nervous giggle- Of course! -rushes out of room-

Aki: -is waiting for me on other side of one-way mirror- Is he reading it?

Kiyo: Yeah. Watch him.

Neji: 'And the boys' lips met…' AHH!

Kiyo n' Aki: -evil, maniacal laughter-

Neji: MY EYES! MY AWESOME, FANTASTIC, PURE, PWNSOME, MAGNIFICENT, UNBEATABLE-

Aki: GET ON WITH IT!

Neji: …VIRGIN EYES! NOOOOOOOOOO!

9. Beat him with a fish. O-O

E.G.

Neji: -standing around, minding his own business-

Kiyo: -leaps out from behind tree- KYAAAAH! -proceeds to pummel him with a trout-

Neji: AH! STOP IT YOU-

Kiyo: -smacks with fish-

Neji: CRAZY NUT JOB-

Kiyo: -smacks with fish-

Neji: I WANT TO LIVE!

Aki: -poofs in- What's he screaming about?

Kiyo: -drops fish- I have no idea.

Neji: -cries-

10. Give him to Lai-chan.

Kiyo: -auction style- Aaaand here we have the magnificent Neji Hyuuga, gorgeous hunk ( no, not as much as you Inu-koi) do your chores for you, brush your hair! Do I hear ten thousand dollars, twenty thousand!

Lai: Kiyo-chan! You said I could have him for free!

Kiyo: Oh, yeah. Here you go. -tosses her a bound and gagged Neji-

Neji: -cries- Mummblephmp! (Translation: I hate you. Please kill me.)

**Reaction:**

Neji: -checks self into mental asylum**- **


End file.
